With summer dwindling down into the nothingness that it seems to have been and the new semester approaching, I find that my over productive mind is stalling out as of late. All this ideas of things that seem good and fun to do just end up being nothing. I thought of stuff I could do to make the site better only to drop interest and not proceed. That story I was writing, for example, has hit some roadblocks. As I was brainstorming the overall structure and plot I realized that I would have to do some big revisions just for the time scale to work. It isn’t going to be easy and probably will take a while but I hope to keep the main points intact. Not sure when the hell I expect to finish but hopefully someday I can look at it with satisfaction that I managed to create something of value.
The idea of my motivation taking a nosedive is not really a new thing considering I feel the same about school. I really have no clue what the hell I want to do. There are many classes I need to take that I just don’t want to. Mainly math and science. Both subjects aren’t a big hit for me. Science is very subjective for me. For me to enjoy it it has to be something I personally want to learn more about. Not the generic biology or chemistry stuff that we have to know. Math, on the other hand, is something I just don’t give a shit about. The big reason being I just don’t see a use for the complex shit. Now there probably is some I should care about (if not all) but I don’t. Call me biased, I don’t give a shit.
With this upcoming semester I hope it will at least put me back in gear and get me somewhat motivated to get the fuck out of school by taking those classes. I know it won’t happen overnight but I need to hurry up and get some sort of degree. I also have to figure out what I plan to work towards in terms of career path and future degrees, then I can figure out what mystical four year to go to. It’s crazy to think of how much of our lives we spend in school. It reminds me of one of my favorite lines from a System of a Down song:
Our days are never coming back
- “Highway Song”
As for other matters, I get paid tonight but can’t go out and buy books tomorrow considering I work from the morning to the evening. Going to try and get some next week on my days off. The boss is pushing max hours on me until school. When I get back to school my hours get cut big time. It is kind of a blessing and a bit of a downer. On one hand I can get lots of money via the bigger checks for books and supplies along with that speeding ticket. As for the other hand it is eating up my time but I guess I can’t complain. I’m sure I’ll be more stressed when school returns and I juggle my two lives.